| it's getting better |
[11 Feb 2004|10:01am] |
things seem like they might be looking up
everyone try to say a prayer tonight or when ever
that I will be coming home,,,
thats it for now, i will be updating more often I hope...
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| it's getting better |
[11 Feb 2004|10:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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still life projector |
] |
she knows ...
so she thinks, so she feels, it's like a candy green apple
nothing is feeling, it's all mine
I wish this baby, use to it's skin
oh good night can't breath anymore
this is a wonder fall into mine, yet again
what did they know
it was only a boy who told us
open up and let me in
dash our water fall in a Paris that’s nothing at all
stop to a bleeding heart for mine is still warm
when I need you to know
this might come back... when you look in my eye
don't run as fast, don't fly away my charming sparrow
we'll do it in the dark but I want your view
it's the only way I know your telling the truth
cook them of squash, to fry them in a skillet
I hope my heart is sweet, and an elegant taste
Just please, please, don’t let it go to waist
we come around..... we come around
-cursovedrive
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| ocean black |
[11 Dec 2003|01:12am] |
I'm back to see if this will hold
my intrest level again
we will see in the mean time
I will leave this alone
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[10 Jul 2003|11:58pm] |
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stay with me now, till the world goes away.
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| to erin |
[05 Jun 2003|01:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jazz : louis armstrong |
] |
I have no more words
Only feeling I cant explain
As I watch her sleep
My heart melts my thoughts go wild
I kiss her eyelids
Whisper in her ear I love you
And I just wish there was something else
Another word that meant more
Another way I can say this
Cause what I feel is deeper than any ocean
I love her lips when they curl
As she says in her cute way I love you
Don’t ever want to love another
And the true thought of it
I never will be able to
So now I will come back to bed
And hold you close
My sweet, wonderful love
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| where... |
[12 May 2003|09:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
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coheen |
] |
Should have said something but I said enough
My hands are shaking and I never wanted you to go
It’s hot in here and I can' think or feel okay about this
Can’t seem to find anything, anywhere at this time
Why am I faced with how I feel, I can't change a thing
So again I go biting my lip till it bleeds with worry
And could you not rub this in my face
I play the keys on this old piano, out of tune and I seem to be making a pleasant sound
What crimes have we committed demanding such a pinots
The silence is so quit and I can't stand the unspoken words
Thank the Lord I'm back in my car with my music low
No words to say, well words I could remember
The presents was there, and so was her hand on the side of this black lacquer box
We have been here, with our heads down staring at the spring flowers
They need someone to talk to them, since they have such fragile lives
I can't speak a word, looking from the glare of her tears
As my heart is stuck and swollen in my throat
In that place I leave in a daze, I know I've taken life for granted
Wish I could play the guitar so I could sit at your site
To play you this song and sing you the words I mean
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| UPDATE |
[05 May 2003|02:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bright eyes |
] |
Well everything has been okay these days
I seem to only be happy when I'm with her
And I seem sad when I'm not with her
It’s crazy, how one can be such a big part of your life
I'm also starting to believe that we are the same person
I thought it before, but others are starting to say the same
I pray that we are made to be forever
It’s too soon to tell, so I'll give a year to make that kind of thought into reality
I'M GONNA BE ON THE COVER OF GEAR!!!!!!!!
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| I need me |
[28 Apr 2003|11:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
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desp.... |
] |
Echoes in these answers
Minds run fast driving forty five miles an hour
Filled this cup with California chardonnay
Wishing on every tear that she'll come back
This distance unknown, he doesn't ever see her
Not in dreams anymore as he was a child
It’s so strange how these roads take us back years ago
Shape up son, what the hell are you crying about
Eating is a foreign task; it hasn't been a priority the last couple of days
I say Sir, why do you say the things you say
And who the hell are you
This T.V. seems cold as I flip thru these channels of blood, sex and angry hate
You’re my only grandson, and you know you’re my favorite
The way you smile and your tears for the world
You’re just like the way your mother use to be
Never wanting to grow up, never wanting to get out on your own
Always wanting to fall in love, so you could feel that love
And I'm sorry she's not here to see herself in a walking mirror
It’s not easy being me, a shadow of a women that is only a memory
It gets like this without any money and no where to go
Hold on, they say your day will come and your going to be what ever you want
And all I can think of is that I never want to be here again
They all talk about the times of this, and the ways of that
Well I don't remember anything I can't feel anything anyway
This cold spring night a lady says she's seen me before
Everyone laughs and say a past life maybe
She speaks up and says no; no it must have been a family outing
I shrug and say maybe so, when I know
That I never had a family in this lifetime,
So it must have been that lifetime everyone was laughing at
My indecency is creeping on me
As my father points out that I'm not going anywhere
Since that's what my stepmother embedded in his head
This indention is hard to escape from; this time is hard for everyone
But oh no I will not be bitter, and I won't let anyone see
That this is killing me
That I have no one, anywhere
A feather bed of comfitures and thousands of soft pillows
Is where I want to sleep?
Like the only time I remember of my mother
Must have been seven years old, she hands me over some pills
She says to take these to help me sleep a goodnights sleep
Waking up in the mid night to a black room with no one in the house
I feel back asleep in the front yard dew covered grass
It came to me yesterday, that I never want to be what they see
And I know the whole town is talking
Whispering behind me saying oh he's just like she was
I'll grow out of this, and I'll be better one day one way
This is the end of self-pity, and this is the end of her in me.
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| ::should I go now?:: |
[27 Apr 2003|11:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
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scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bright eyes |
] |
The clouds came rolling in with death at the edges
The first struck from the north violent winds and aerie sounds
Whispers in the wind telling you to rebel
After this strike, kicked out and fenced in the yard
Like an unwanted lost dog
As time went bye anger of neglect ion took over me
I ran into the house yelling to come in
No one looked my way, as my stepmother rolled her evil eyes
And my father looked the other way
While all others gave me a face of no one wants you around
I turn around screaming I got to get out, I want to go home
Then I remember there is no where to go
As I sit on this outside picnic table
Thinking of how far I can go with fifth teen dollars
And some quarters jingling in my pocket
Another cloud is creeping in from the east
The apartments across the street scared me before
But never nothing like this
Door opened people came out staring crazy eyes
All this direction of this poor lonely boy
Behind closed door we wonder no more
All sins are wide open as I look inside these apartments
As I freak out I wake up from this
And I believe at this time
I need someone more than ever
She doesn’t pick up her phone
And I know she's awake
And even in real life I am really only my own
So I'll save up some money
Until I get enough to get on out of here
Cause the clouds are coming in
The time is now for me to get on out
I want to go home, wherever that may be
Cause like my mom, I don't think I'll ever feel loved
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| oh I care about you |
[27 Apr 2003|04:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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rejuvenated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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drivin around |
] |
I wore her favorite shirt to go see her
I made sure my belt matched to make her happy
Put on my cologne the one she loves so
Went outside and picked some flowers to console her
Day dreaming of her smile when I walk in the door
As I brush my teeth so she can't smell my wasted day
I stare at this flower that withers slowly away
And I remember that I don't want to be remembered
As a messed up wreck a depressed soul
Pray that one day my salvation will come
Soon I feel this will all fall into place
With a silly recollection of what happened yesterday
This smoke is getting cloudy, and the wine has worn off
Like a tied that slowly rolls back into its sea
And one day I know I'll be pure again
And she'll see the happiness she brings
Holding arms, and this skin so close
Just tonight it's to far to reach it's just to far
So I say, it saddens me more that you’re so upset
Tonight I was going to see her
Since it seems too long that I've seen her before
I'm sorry for every word I said that was wrong
And it might be that my reflection has been painted over
With oils of solid black and shades of gray
Just wish I had some pain thinner to take it all away
Don’t recognize your behavior, or the way you say good-bye
I understand, and I know right now your not who you use to be
Will you let me stay here until you come true?
And until then I'll be who you need me to be
Didn’t want you to know that these tears are drowning me
No I never wanted you to know that I've been weak these days
This cough is getting stronger as I take another drag
Of this stale cigarette that seems to taste so good
Seems that it's not calming me down, but it makes me plain
Sitting in the booth at the local waffle house the one on our very first date
All alone
Coffee doesn't seem to be sobering me up
The smell of this place takes me back thirty days from today
With a hug and I'll call you
Oh I miss you, being you
Maybe we'll watch movies lying on the living room floor
I could stay over and stay in our cloths
I'm on the edge and you'll never be alone
Rub my stomach, how I miss every touch
I could come over tomorrow and console your needs
It’s just been crazy this afternoon
There’s no party, but threes balloons
What ever may happen, don't fall away
I'm too close to you
Oh I'm so in to you
And I'll do anything, to make you feel batter
Anything
Oh I'll do what ever it takes
Anything
Oh anything
I'll do what ever it takes
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| broken promise |
[26 Apr 2003|09:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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coverage |
] |
These mosquitoes fly around this screen
Messing up my point of views and my sight for sore eyes
It’s hard to focus when the day has been shattered
Will she ever come true to me they feel so tired
When your alone it's harder then being sad with them
Cars passing by not knowing where they are going
And we ask ourselves where are we to go
This whole situation is bringing me down with camera clicks
And freezing weather isn’t getting any warmer
The fridge rater has the calendar markings or dates
Most of these have been done, and the others have been blown off
Is it wrong to be made at man, to understand that we are all the same?
I GET SO PISSED OFF WHEN SHE FUCKING SAYS SHE'S GOING OFF WITH ANOTHER BOY
And I wish her well, and I hope she's all okay
Beat my self as many times until the alcohol calms me down
Don’t tell me this is the wrong thing to do, when I don't have a clue
Cause I'm so damn arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
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| today is not |
[26 Apr 2003|09:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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away the west |
] |
I had some words but I lost them in this bottle
She says she's not going to be around
And he thinks he's all away from the night
Words are broken with apologies
And everything is lost with these lips
For I am sunken in a funeral that has not come
Seems artificial like a VCR stuck on pause
He says will I ever go unnoticed wrapped in roses
Flowers make us all feel better from the beauty
Alive we are living today
We can't dwell on the things that might have been
This pleasure from my sadness is wild
Now we must see them, now we must hold them
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| were am I |
[26 Apr 2003|05:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bright eyes... to freakin emo |
] |
Only wish I was the one you cried on
Thought we we're so close
Didn’t see it coming
But I felt the rain as it fell hard in my soul
The hallways filled and I'm all alone
Five o'clock in the morning
This London dry gin isn't making it easy
Living this rock star life without the fame
And this time I never knew what’s in store
Sorry baby I just don't know what's in store
When you can't talk to me
Not trying to be selfish, not trying to be mean
I just thought I would be the one you needed
And my guess was wrong
It angers me that I love you so much
And I feel you don't love the same
Or maybe I'm wrong again
And I hope that's the truth
Cause this connection is scary
I've never felt this way
I've never loved like this and the pain is strong
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| ::drive back home:: |
[21 Apr 2003|10:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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touched |
] |
| [ |
music |
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throwdown : to little, to late |
] |
I lay back in this backseat
My head bobbles from side to side
As the gears are shifted violently
My thoughts are running wild
Dream on take on the world
I'm the comic book in this page
The rain is falling the smiles are bringing
Into a new day and can you feel
I feel this, and I can feel the love
You’re bringing in more, as I feel so intact
This cup is overflowing with you
This drive is getting warmer
And the rain is falling harder
Country highway twenty-five only knows
What we are doing at this time
Trucks pass and the pray is blinding
We cry out in happiness
Bounded....
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| ::your do make me feel good:: |
[18 Apr 2003|01:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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thankful |
] |
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music |
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::fairweather:: |
] |
I’ll keep loving you till the end of time
What ever you want is yours
And I know at times we get feelings hurt
But baby you’re the only one for me
I know you feel the same
Your right in every word you say
About how it's wrong to worry about straying
Come on and take my sweaty hand
Cause when you do nothing else matters
The world is wonderful with you here
And my happiness is reveled around you
The smile and silly voices you do, I melt away
Knowing that this is the one I want keep for a lifetime
Lay down here with me, so I can fall asleep in your arms
I wish I could explain all of how I feel about you
I wish I could find the right words
But this bliss is better then any feeling in the world
And baby... your my everything, your my world
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| ::myold friend:: |
[16 Apr 2003|11:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dm- people are people |
] |
What have I become?
My old friend
Seems that everyone leaves in the end
A million miles away I will keep myself
To days are left alone
I know you had something to hide
What am I to do?
When you’re leaving without a trace
You’re not looking the same
With an I.V. in your arm
And your pale silenced face
Try to wash away the memories
They keep washing on shore
Of the times we sent together
Slowly death takes us apart
And tonight as today aggravation has set in
Why oh why do I have to feel this way
I just don't have any words to say
That I love you and I'll miss you
But your not going, I know your okay
With God's help your going to stay
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| ::get up b u:: |
[16 Apr 2003|01:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
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shoot the stars - falling away |
] |
I'll stand up and fight for this honor
You can't bring me down
To your filth and mutilation
This one eighty in my life term
Has thrown all the wrongs out
I take this stand with pride
You will never be able to take me down
Intimidated by the choices I make
Be strong, be you
Can you do this without supplements?
Can you disinfect your insides?
Make yourself whole again
Give yourself pureness like before
Don’t be afraid you need to be strong
Cause when they see this in you
Soon they will follow
Cause they are all so weak
So can you, be you
::--I thought I might just add a photo of myself, just if anyone was a curio of whom cursivedrive might be--::
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| ::send me an angel:: |
[16 Apr 2003|12:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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loving |
] |
| [ |
music |
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poison the well - "lost in silence" |
] |
He’s alone sitting in his room; his single mother sits and reads in the living room. The boy has had enough of the pain, since the day his father abandon him. He doesn't want to go to school since all his friends are not his friends at all. Mocking him and talking behind his back. No one matters at this time, and all he wants is a prayer to be answered. "God please send me an angel to take away this pain, a friend that loves me for me, and takes me under her wings." It seems like things aren’t getting any better, and then a glimpse of his angel sitting there alone on the couch. He can't keep eye contact cause she's so beautiful and her smile melts him away as she talks to this lonely heart. She says good-bye, thinking that will be the last time. He sits back in this, beating himself up for not asking more. This boy becomes sick, almost deathly ill due to stress of this life. Giving him time to re think the priorities in life, and the long made goals. This is not the place for him, he will not find truth here, and if he doesn't get out soon, this hole will corrupt him. This is what he repeats in his head over and over. Four months down the road God sends him the angel to take away allot his pain, all this suffering. God is alive, and if you don't believe you might never find out.
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| ::no matter what:: |
[13 Apr 2003|12:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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kinda sad, but it's okay really |
] |
| [ |
music |
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ceadmons call |
] |
At a reservation looking for a scene
Looks like that they got threes
But they all want more
Go to the desert shoot the sky
Walk out dancing with the sunrise
Forgotten all faults
Can’t do it now, it's what they say over
Another line from white nights
It keeps them up at times
You say that you’re going to stop
And this execution is deadly in our hearts
This self made winter has to come to an end
All I feel like doing is sleeping
Letting the sun be blocked from curtains
But it's dutiful with a sac ride day
Fingers in the sights of our future
Praying that this could stay for ever
Wake up from your desire
Or I'll take your lips to mine
To make you forget all the wrongs of today
Say it slowly when they seem to be watching
You have eight minuets to call
Or it looks like I'm picking up this phone
No where to go, stuck with this hungry twist
Lonely, and it's harder then it seems
To make it all work out perfectly
Makes this stronger, can you say it too
Keep my all; you can ever keep this heart
Cause if you go, I'll never need it again
I’m afraid of them taking you
Where you won't ever come back to me
Hey my friend, my best friend
I really want you to grow old with me
And here are my open hands
This takes me at an uneasy feeling
When you’re upset by a simple word I said
I've been waiting for a good day
Today was suppose to be that time
I had it so planed
Where I would come to your door with flowers
I never seen this side of you
It’s been a tragic day
Reservations to that place we thought
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| ::love hurts @ times:: |
[11 Apr 2003|10:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
a little sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
afi |
] |
Every time we do this I fall for you
All over again I fall in deep
We hold as our skin so soft
I try to stay mute
As your heart beats into mine
You give me all you can give
And I'll hand you over my life
So where do I go
Where can I stay?
If you leave me now
I'll have nothing
There are no flowers
And no kisses today
I'll show a smile but I'm too weak
Oh why do I feel like crying?
Did I hurt you in my voice?
Terrible thoughts corrupts this heart
.
So I drive for hours
I'm too tired to hold these tears
No one can hear me
No one can see me
Just this sad song on the radio
And my picture of you in the dash
.
Can we say we're sorry and everything is okay?
Can it be put back the way it use to be
I keep yelling at myself
Repeating this will end soon
The harsh words from you
And the silences in my voice
It’s just so hard when you’re gone
.
So I drive for hours
I'm too tired to hold these tears
No one can hear me
No one can see me
Just this sad song on the radio
And my picture of you in the dash
No one, oh no one
No one can hear this
No one can hear my love crying for you
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